Memories From Anteiku 𝑏𝑦 Damien Ark

Memories From Anteiku 𝑏𝑦 Damien Ark

I: Phantom wolf had sung

 

in a patrolled suite underground
impressionist fuckscape painted
onto the cardboard confetti mask
where Keith nails his piano
to a leaking ceiling of cankered
plaster and molded shut cassette recording
robed without peace or sully facial responses 
downstairs is always forever to
flooded basement with our ex-lovers
mangled in a jot of white leaf rope
is a room with shattered stained glass
where infants fortuitously drown
your neighbor carves pumpkins to release stress
we leave secret letters via brail dug into the hallway walls
brain tumors leaking onto my incomplete poems
remotely desolate one incandescent light by bedside
never used when in bed only when writing across the room
the coffin nailed shut with my own fractured bones
when drinking i eddy i gurgle while mooning out a window
gladly slap penny worth lube over a strangers hole
and drive myself crazy inside of him
until he’s out the door with pants halfway down
fascinated by the fathom of this form of self-destruction
who is giggling slime balls while pounding my walls
bastards leave pamphlets under my door smeared with blood
is a room that is topsy-turvy or on its knees when
black pour-over coffee is sinking into my lightning teeth
memorized amidah and shema under language i do not know
sorcerer speech by day on corroded radio 
siren says black wheel with a billion dollar prize to hell
kitchen knives in the bathroom sink say you’ll love me
routinely flushing toilets and checking careful locks
(it shut six times good enough) password reminder, check
kicked my jaw in nothing your name not written in stone
except us stoned outside your girlfriends house i am to blame
circling the mattress is like a rat maze waiting for that
latch for cocaine release forty hours to go kick me again
atonal string quartet improvises during a covenant blood ritual
and that bites wine fingers and sings rehearsed prayers to family
that is atheist that is oh so neglectful burning foil again
is a sparkling stout floret poured on nap sheets when you
say nothing grand hall opening on the tenth bottom floor
parrot steals a cigarette from the balkan brass band
metal against tears and serrated lips i chew smoke
bubbles foam rise vista hermosa for you and you 
is self-conscious about his ghoul eye his eye patch
and pounds his love supreme down the mouthy gully 
you who allows no deduction a universe sings its curse
this crow-like swing set creaking moment of waiting of
digging my eyes out with no nails is getting a bit too
much like the hand in the disposal machine for every time
i need to anesthetize a thought of who and leave me dancing
right sock on the left foot left sock over a doorknob
leaking with jism of traumatizing shameful bruisings
told to skunk strain burning hair from nostrils
help support euthanizing these hopeless souls from their
loser bodies in these unlit honeycomb blinds
you who graffiti’s my religion and tells me what to to believe in
who is as godless as his own indoctrination scathed by the brick
given into a sense of childish nihilism and puddling confusion
left candles and incense burning overnight when i left
to see you selling yourself your own tombstone
excellent diamond tales my growing gray tail to leave me
forgetting of that room and every city i’ve known to taste air in
non-garrison stream lights on foul cravings and needs
having left myself under dead winter trees to finally sleep
a spacial dream for the first time in sixteen years 
open to a doorway through a snake pit where i left my memories of you
on my back towards the sea of stars in a submerged sky
the world turns its blind eye before i bite down on it without blinking

 

 

 

II. The Ketjak dance in reverse

 

there are red cherry blossoms hidden in a hole in the wall
behind a canvas depicting an oasis a deep suite horseback universe
and the pillars of birth are cracking the egg my bed dome earth shell
floral botanists leaving sinks on for hours spray paint silver over white flowers
i grind thirty milligrams of coca walnut cherry for violinist nineteen year old charlie
born in razor meadows under steel X’d out sky he hides his tail
rich grounds into a wet filter blooming at two hundred degrees 
he assured me it’s the best coffee he has ever had but I digress
he leaves and I feed the poison dart frogs
carry coffee bags over my back and treat palm trees with egyptian medicine
dub techno leaves me dazed and tired for nine hours
your father with the scar over his neck buys the 36.99 dollar vinyl 
bjork behind the rare 7-inch stooges he your father taught me
a ketjak dance and mindless slappings of footwork he says
that I should read the book of the dead and have I read kafka oh
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
if flies are trapped in tea kettles again when mixcloud playlists end
will I ever finish my spring readings another filter more water and coffee
sleeping under the register during closing hours i dream of only coffee
off of my eye-patch out of my hair and under my nails today you read
the iliad and i bag lemon herbal tea you vote for coffee fragrance number three
you see i love your tits I mean your eyes i mean your lazarus wings and when
we fuck i’m not imagining you like the hole in the wall but the fringe of cherry blossoms
that i want to taste when i lick your tongue it is orange toffee cinnamon
if you were to ever feast upon my shoulders again then it’s only fair
that i chew apart your cunt and let it regenerate while you’re
pissing and bleeding over my face again
you say you don’t need me anymore it is a hole in the wall that i am 

Good G-d! She whispers?
Where we met in a tiny butterfly garden
ants alive inside our dirty raspberry popsicle sticks 
your hair drips with lemon your sex eclipsed
it’s okay I promised after you had asked if i had sucked
a river dry from off of a man’s back i’m not ashamed
of it any more than you are of your surgical scars
her foreplay always involves salmon orange halloween lights
wrapped around her neck and my pre-cum trailing from her bottom lip
never did I ever imagine i’d be fucking you over a toilet seat
bombing your sanctuaries and half killing your vengeful brother
said you loved me better before my hair went white in spite of that
loved you more when you pretended not to notice or when you tried to
feed me another woman’s severed arm in a forested alleyway
fucked into a mudslide molten rocks crushing you sucking my cock with gravel
and lizards caught in knots in your hair

 

 

 

III: What a kitchen feels like

 

begging to be killed again by your sweet nectar lips
mother beat the shit out of me again and help me forget it
help me forget who I am with a spear through my head
i’ll hate myself regardless of whether I live or die
you are my G-d my father who speaks to me by
snapping my limbs don’t ever let me come close to
loving you anymore than I already do 
and i’d only kill and eat your body to show how much I love you
in that prison cell biting my wrists you behind the glass cage
through it all a polished mirror image to prove myself to
my G-d that disowns me I pray rabidly dead brain rejection
not a finger left to snap it’s a godless corpse garden in a 
sewage plant even organic reincarnation is mechanical
my skull spattered over towels of vegetated cement
shit out and raped and spilled and pulverized back to shit
though my heart is so worthless I still crave to feel your strength
ruined and killed everything so relentlessly calm and tasteless
after rebirth god mangled in my hands can I still forgive you
before eating you never feel hunger after that I said killing
hundreds more that surrounded me just death after death silently
washing bones in a lake of intestines I feel my soul rot 
you watch, it rot, die it manifests enslaved to a hate 

with just the right amount of coffee
i can beat out enough explicit italic exploited images
onto crumbled bamboo shoot toilet paper vampire coaster cube
we are puking onto each other cotton candy in burning tents
boycott pepsi and build trees you know who we’re voting for
your forty-ninth then fiftieth millennium ah millennial,,,
schizoid one eyed boy fucktard man we’re not in israel anymore
a date with you means missing first quarter
they have vegan burgers i am ready to order
come up with a golden strip for her purple hair
try on my glasses for a second if you’re inclined
hah i’m not slowing down for you misses castrate another
what a horrid corrosive carousel kingdom you have going on in your brain
if this includes burying fountains and coliseums to make room
i’m not the kind of fucker that wears a fake mustache
i’ll read Kafka every night to you go ahead kill him too
i know you’re getting sick of hearing me busting newspapers
over fat flies with camera antennas just hear me out for a second
i will not spoil myself of these possessions anymore you hear?
someone better call the cops for me
you’re going to get yourself killed under a steel beam fake lover
no it is not blissful that you pierce me with hungry tentacles
cleaning my paws painting my paw-prints to your bones
don’t you realize I love you beyond your deep space cemetery memories
all fuck-all dagger like touch kind of sophisticated fuck all to you
no more full moon gazes peeking through shitty curtains and I can’t kill
myself with a knife but I can kill myself by giving into you 
you say how about maybe later I respond what about never but we met halfway anyway
agree on something like forever in other words you’re inside of my belly
spelled out those tragedies tilted towards infinity that grin
is so ugly to tether kept alive may we promise to end this fight 

i need you more than you could ever know
my first lover fuck me again
weather the storm